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A 747 fell outta heaven crashed through the roof of a 7-11 your burpin up a slurpy things get hazy reach for the trigger now you're pushin up daisies Do you know where you're gonna go? That shirt doesn't look nice on you, take it off - Brianne Dude-Emily Ej, Shut up -Alan yea man its crazy gettin old if i could do it agin i would die young and save myself, but then the only the good die young so i'll live forever - Drew "Da-Ding" - Deanna (don't ask) Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. -From Mike Jay Leno.... This is democracy. As I look out and see everyone, I can't tell you how proud I am -- to be from Massachusetts. .... California is the only state where you can have more candidates than registered voters. .... The city of L.A. has put a ban on all lap dancing in the city. Looks like we'll never get to host the Democrats' convention in this city again. .... There are reports that France may agree to train Iraqi soldiers. Don't the Iraqis already know how to surrender? .... And of course Saddam Hussein has released another tape. Have you heard this latest tape? It's the same thing. 'Bush is a demon. Bush is an evil aggressor. Bush is Satan.' Let me tell you something, if this guy wants to insult our president and call him evil, he can just join the Democratic Party and run for president like everybody else." God Vomited, and there was Ed -G^2 Three men can keep a secret if two of them are dead - G^2 "I say...that you lied to yourself, to your people, and to all others. You did this along with those who got involved with you. Or there might be some who lied to you, but you believed those lies after you were tempted to do some action. You even changed your slogans and the reasons you used several times as a pretext for your hostile military campaign against [Iraq]." --Wesley Clark...er Howard Dean...er John Kerry...er -- actually, it was the stealth Demo presidential candidate leading the pack -- no, not Hillary, but none other than Saddam Hussein, in a recorded message to George Bush. Ed: (writing in Emily's binder) I am the coolest thing to hit the planet since the ice age Emily: I don't believe in the ice age EJ: Sharein, emily can add 3+3 without a problem Sharein: 7 Emily and Alan: (shocked look on faces) I hearby declare, as a representative of the county, city, state and area of New York, that you are to go back to your home, alternate dimension, universe, and cease all supernatural activity Are you a god? No Then die (screams) Next time someone asks you if you're a god you say yes. ok Let's get her Woah, she's a gymnast We got her Please choose the voice of the destructor. What? Please choose the form of the traveler Oh i get it, if we say J Edgar Hoover. J edgar Hoover will come to destory us. Everyone clear yours minds The decision has been made Wait what. I didn't choose anything. Did you. No Did you? No. Ray, what'd you do. I iii What did you do I tried to think of something that i've loved since my childhood. Something so pure that it could never destroy us. What did you do Its the stay puft' Marshmellow Man Oh no. Rays lost it. igon what do we do Im scared beyond the capacity for rational thought Background information Amanda has found a new scent for guys cologne and she likes it. Alan has just started going out with Emily. Amanda: Hey emily, check this smell out. It's smells so good. Emily: Oooh I like it. Alan: Hm... EJ: Alan. That so wrong that you just thought that. Alan: So.... 12/13/03 In a press conference these words were delivered by US Iraqi Administrator Paul Bremer: 'We got him'. This news was hailed with applause as the US Military confirmed that yes Indeed they had captured Former Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein. The U.S. military announced that a bearded Saddam was detained without resistance in a hole on a farm near his hometown of Tikrit, ending one of the most intense manhunts in history. 'Caught like a rat' Clues to track him down came from his relatives -EJ compiled from various news websites. A Penny You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about. Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house. The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely. As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment. Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up? Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She causally mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? "Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words "United States of America." "No, not that; read further." "One cent?" "No, keep reading." "In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?" "And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful! When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message. It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient... Have a blessed day!! The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given "A young man whose father is a carpenter grows up working in his father's shop. He has no formal education. He owns no property of any kind. One day he puts down his tools and walks out of his father's shop. He starts preaching on street corners and in the nearby countryside. Walking from place to place preaching all the while even though he is in no way an ordained minister he never gets farther than an area perhaps 100 miles wide at the most. He does this for three years. Then he is arrested, tried and convicted. There is no court of appeal so he is executed at age 33 along with two common thieves. Those in charge of his execution roll dice to see who gets his clothing -- the only possessions he has. His family cannot afford a burial place so he is interred in a borrowed tomb. End of story? No, this uneducated, propertyless young man who preached on street corners for only three years who left no written word has for 2000 years had a greater effect on the entire world than all the rulers, kings and emperors, all the conquerors, the generals and admirals, all the scholars, scientists and philosophers who ever lived -- all put together. How do we explain that? ...Unless he really was what he said he was." --Ronald Reagan Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!" -The Bigger Ed John: You know today's the last day of 2003. That means only a few more weeks of 16. Aren't you supposed to have a fun year when you are 16? Crap. I did nothin. Ej we need to have in the next couple weeks. If a word has two consecutive vowels, and both are pronounced, a diaeresis [dy-AIR-ih-sis] is used. Diaeresis are two dots over a vowel. Example: ä or ö. For instance; the word noel. Noel is actualy spelled Noël. This is used in English, though it is not commonly written. <----Who knew that? NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: the reason you get a hangover is cause god's sayin you are a moron There is no p in our ool. Keep it that way! - sign on john kiss' ool Guest book for smitefulluv1 View Photos Sign Guestbook View Guestbook holy shit: john n jack r quite the fuckin hotties ya thats rite ^^^^^^from deanna's picture guestbook....some unknown person refering to john kiss Come over hither and we'll take a better picture -EJ James: Hey, put that song up Deanna: No, you just want to listen to creed (turns of music) James: I guess i'll just turn off computer (fakes turning off) Deanna: No you have to do this (touches power button) (Computer starts closing off programs) Ej: You're shutting down aren't you? Deanna: Noo....i just figure out how to delete that message too...but no...i have to wait for this stinkin computer to load up....it takes so long Ej and James: (laughter) On this day in history On January 16 1547 Ivan the Terrible is crowned the first czar of Russia. 1786 Virginia adopts law guaranteeing religious freedom. 1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. ^^^^^^^^^What were they thinking? 1944 Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the Allied invasion force in London. 1974 Peter Benchley's "Jaws" is published. 1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic relations after a break of over 400 years. 1985 Playboy magazine announced that its 30-year tradition of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton (and elsewhere) would come to an immediate end. 1987 Future world dictator Edward Joseph Lennon is born. 1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports commentator one day after telling a TV station in Washington, DC, that, during the era of slavery, blacks had been bred to produce stronger offspring. 1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces out of Kuwait. ^^^^^^^^^^Not the first nor the last time a war will start on my birthday 1993 Two months after a fire greatly damages the British landmark, Windsor Castle is reopened to the public. 1997 Bill Cosby's only son, Ennis, 27, was shot to death while changing a flat tire on a dark road in Los Angeles, CA. 1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military Institute withdrew from the school. 1998 Three federal judges secretly granted Kenneth Starr authority to probe whether U.S. President Clinton or Vernon Jordan urged Monica Lewinsky to lie about her relationship with Clinton. 1999 At least 37 bodies were found mutilated of executed in southern Kosovo. They were all in civilian clothing. This occurred one day after a fierce attack by Serb forces. 2000 A truck loaded with evaporated milk was rammed into California's state capitol building in Sacramento, CA. The driver was killed in the incident. 2000 Ricardo Lagos was elected Chile's first socialist president since Salvador Allende. 2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that John Walker Lindh would be brought the the United States to face trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, Va., with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, providing support to terrorist organizations, and engaging in prohibited transactions with the Taliban of Afghanistan. 2002 In Grundy, VA, student killed three and wounding three others at the Appalachian School of Law. 2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants of the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations impose arms embargoes and freeze their finances. David Letterman.... Justin Timberlake called the [Superbowl halftime show] incident a "wardrobe malfunction." The last time I had one of those I became a father. .... They say it was a wardrobe malfunction. President Clinton heard that and said, "Why didn't I think of that?" from Josh's profile page: Women quit your bitchin 1) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. 2) All men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color 3) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 4) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 5) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 6) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 7) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, shotgun formation, or how they calculate horsepower. 8) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way. 10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 11) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Way too many. 12) Crying is blackmail. 13) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! 14) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar. 15) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. 16) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 17) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 18) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. 19) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 20) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 21) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway. 22) Check your oil. 23) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take “the quiz” together. 24) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 25) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 26) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. 27) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both. 28) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 29) If it itches, it will be scratched. 30) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 31) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle So anyway, it seems deanna and emily are at it again deanna's away messgae: Hello, my name is Emily J Warren and I have a coloring disorder. I enjoy painting myself different colors such as pink and blue. Then make fun of Deanna b/c she has a tube in her. I deserve this away message because Deanna is having alot of fun with it. Oh yeah, I'm also obsessed with Alan Zollo. my imatiation of Emily Warren ^^ and emily's away message: this message is 4 deanna cuz... u made fun of me... thats not alwayz cool lol...hi my name is deanna lennon... my sicklyness got me MEAN!!! and i wish i were pink and blu.. *tear tear*.. ahh jelousy... what can u do sometimes? lol.. oh yea n i am obsessed w/ SOME1 too!!! .... lol.. :-*:-P8-) while talking to raquel NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: hey lilak716: hey NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: wawsup NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: wasup lilak716: nothing you? NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: just chillen lilak716: oh, cool NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: yeah NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: so how come you weren't in churc today lilak716: couldnt get up, lol lilak716: me and april were nice and warm in the bed Roy: Ok, here's a story. A girl goes to her mom's funeral. She meets a guy, falls in love, but he leaves. Two weeks later she kills her sister. Why did she do it? Various answers uttered. Roy: If you get this then you are psycho. Its an actual test. Chris: Oh, she wanted to meet him again Roy: You f'in psycho BR<> Ray: Stay away from me with sharp tools. Actually stay on that side of the room Silenc30utsid3: Do me a favor, and shoot yourself. "I'm not in the game, but I'm in the bleachers." --Bob Dole Talkin about the presidential elections. Maddox. Great website. This link is for all those save the animals people. http://maddox.xmission.com/green_peace.html A link for all those feminists out there http://maddox.xmission.com/feminazi.html NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: In the Senate, Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Richard Lugar has secretly pushed through the Law of the Sea Treaty (LOST) to come up for a full floor vote. The treaty would give the UN total and absolute control over the seas (and possibly the air as well), allow the UN to impose taxes on Americans, cripple our Navy, and severely restrict fishing, drilling and mining operations (raising the cost of fuel). In 1982, President Reagan refused to sign the treaty ceding control of 70% of the earth to the UN, but in 1994, President Clinton signed it and sent it to the Senate, where it was wisely buried for 10 years by Jesse Helms. It's high time for LOST (appropriately named, if nothing else) to be permanently torpedoed, jettisoned, deep-sixed, or any other nautical metaphor you prefer. NdofWrldAsWeNoIt: that's bad Silenc30utsid3: dundundun Silenc30utsid3: RAPTURE SOON Silenc30utsid3: wootwoot 17 May 2004 Federalist No. 04-20 Monday Brief JOIN US in the animating contest for freedom: Support The Federalist -- http://Federalist.com/ *Subscriber Services: To change your e-mail address, select editions and formats, view recent archives, send comments or to unsubscribe, Link to -- http://Federalist.com/ CONTENTS: The Foundation Insight IChThUS Imprimis Family Culture Liberty The Gipper Opinion in Brief Government Re: The Left Political Futures For the Record Reader Comments The Last Word ______----********O********----______ THE FOUNDATION "Are we disposed to be of the number of those, who having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it might cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it." --Patrick Henry ______----********O********----______ INSIGHT "Liberals always claim to know exactly what to do as soon as it's too late. After Muslims attack with airplanes, they want to investigate flight schools. After Muslims attack with shoe-bombs, they want to investigate shoes. After a Muslim introduces E. coli into New York's water supply, liberals will be enraged that Muslim immigrants taking pictures of New York water treatment plants weren't investigated more aggressively -- as soon as they are done blaming Bush for not stopping the attack amid their caterwauling about the detention of Muslim immigrants. Liberals are the only known species whose powers of reasoning are not improved by the benefit of hindsight." --Ann Coulter ______----********O********----______ IChThUS IMPRIMIS "Nothing is more common than for men to make partial and absurd distinctions between vices of equal enormity, and to observe some of the divine commands with great scrupulousness, while they violate others, equally important, without any concern, or the least apparent consciousness of guilt. Alas, it is only wisdom which perceives this tragedy." --Samuel Johnson ______----********O********----______ FAMILY "Sign of the times: The Methodists just voted to oppose same-sex marriage. The victory reflects the growing strength of the Orthodox Christians among Methodists vs. the 'progressives' who once thought the future would be inevitably theirs as ancient, irrational sex taboos faded. The reason is really quite simple: Cultures, communities, religions, sects and societies that lose the marriage idea die out. They are replaced by cultures, communities, sects and societies that prioritize, celebrate and embrace the idea of bringing men and women together to make the future happen. That's what marriage means." --Maggie Gallagher ______----********O********----______ CULTURE "Our country permits Hollywood to put almost anything in a movie and still call it PG-13. We permit television and computers to bring all manner of filth into our homes. We permit school children to be taught that homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle. We allow Christianity and the teaching of Judeo-Christian values to be scrubbed from the public square. We allow our children be taught how to use condoms in school, rather than why to avoid sex. We let these things happen. They don't happen on their own. While hearings take place to examine the horrific behavior that took place in a military prison overseas, it's time to take a cold, hard look at the degradation in our own country -- and in our own homes." --Rebecca Hagelin ______----********O********----______ LIBERTY "If Rumsfeld resigned immediately... nothing would change. The insurgents would not stop shooting Americans. The mullahs would not stop preaching hate and eternal damnation for all things American. The Arab press would not begin editorializing in favor of democracy. Dictatorial regimes would not suddenly see the light and stop abusing wrongly imprisoned people. All that matters is victory. Anything less is defeat -- for the United States and for those in Iraq and elsewhere who yearn to breathe free." --Cal Thomas ______----********O********----______ THE GIPPER "History tells us that appeasement does not lead to peace. It invites an aggressor to test the will of a nation unprepared to meet that test. And... those who seemingly want peace the most, our young people, pay the heaviest price for our failure to maintain our strength." --Ronald Reagan ______----********O********----______ OPINION IN BRIEF An open letter to some political partisans, especially certain politicians and people in the media: "I have a son who is an American soldier in Iraq... I am not fooled, when you partisans spew propaganda that helps our enemies and harms our soldiers, then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you focus on, highlight, and exaggerate the negative things that happen in Iraq, while ignoring our positive accomplishments, then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you focus attention on American soldiers killed and wounded in Iraq, to use these brave patriots as an anti-Iraq-war political football, then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you keep criticizing why and how we invaded Iraq -- that is done; our troops are there -- then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you engage in constant, carping criticism of what the U.S. has done and is doing in Iraq, then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you search for and trumpet to the world anything that will diminish respect for our soldiers and their leaders -- even when it endangers greatly their lives, then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you tell our soldiers and the rest of us that they are stuck in a 'quagmire' and will suffer a Vietnam-type defeat, then tell us you support our troops. I am not fooled, when you spout propaganda that undermines the morale of our soldiers and the American public and boosts the morale of our enemies, then tell us you support our troops. You are giving aid and comfort to our nation's deadly enemies! They know they cannot defeat us militarily in Iraq. However, you cause them to think they can win here politically by breaking our will, if they kill and wound enough of our soldiers. You despicable partisans! You are stimulating our enemies to attack our soldiers and the people working with them. The blood of many Americans and Iraqis is already on your hands. And your hands collect more blood every day! You are determined to regain the political power you have lost, and you believe your presidential candidate and congressional candidates will win, if the U.S. fails in Iraq. If your anti-American propaganda contributes to the deaths of many Americans and Iraqis, that is a price you are willing to make them pay. You are pathetic and dangerous!" --Proud Father of a Decorated Army Officer serving in Iraq "Saying there's a constitutional guarantee for two homosexuals to marry is just a few steps away from saying there's a constitutional guarantee to marry more than one person, or for relatives to marry, or even for people to marry their pets." --James Dobson You could have polygamy. You could have incest. You could have marriage between a father and a daughter. You could have two widows, or two sisters or two brothers... Once you cross that Rubicon, then there's no place to stop. Because if a judge can say two men and two women can marry, there is no reason on Earth why some judge some place is not going to say, this is not fair." --James Dobson "It's called 'selective reduction.' It means killing one or more babies when a woman is pregnant with 'multiples.' It is a difficult decision of great moral moment. But not in the view of freelance lecturer Amy Richards, whose account appears in The New York Times Magazine. She was living with her boyfriend and decided to go off the pill. They agreed to have the child if one showed up. Alas, three babies appeared. Now what? Her income would take a hit. 'There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that,' she allowed. But, 'Do I want to?' No. There were health risks. Moreover, 'I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise.' So she went off to the specialist, who would shoot potassium chloride into two of the fetuses. When looking at the sonogram, her boyfriend, Peter, thought: 'Oh my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear.' But the doctor pushed him out of the room and did the deed. In Richards' view 'it's the woman's choice.' 'Choice.' Making two heartbeats disappear is simply a 'choice.' ... Yet abortion really is not about choice. It is about consequence. The consequences of choices freely made. Consider Richards. She chose to have sex with someone. She chose to go off the pill. Choices appropriately left to her, unregulated by government. But having enjoyed the freedom to make those choices, she wanted to avoid responsibility for the results: becoming pregnant with triplets. If you want the right to choose to have sex with whomever you want whenever you want, you can't act surprised when a child (or children) shows up. Especially if you knowingly dropped birth control. It is life. Maybe not fully formed. Maybe not fully conscious. But even (John) Kerry admits that it is life... And life should not be terminated because one fears having to shop at Costco. Especially while adoption is a positive alternative. ... Men and women are free to choose to have sex, without birth control, as often as they like with whomever they like. They seek the 'right to choose' abortion in order to escape responsibility for their other choices." --Doug Bandow -------------------------------------- In a stunning announcement, New Jersey Governor James McGreevey announced that he had an extramarital affair with another man. Finally a Democrat who can honestly say, "I did not have sex with that woman!" -Jay Leno I'm socially retarted - Alan Calculators are Weapons of Math Instruction. Sucka its De: and how did a deaf kid tell you to turn ur movie down Sucka its De: the captions in caps lock or something? Gotta love the sister -------------------------------------- It's all fun and WarGames, until someone loses an ICBM. |